Out of Sight Not Out of Mind

Mar 22 2016

A poem arrived amongst my emails today, all the way from the southern hemisphere.  The sender is on a journey around the world.  The poem, which with their permission I have posted above, warmed my heart and set me thinking.  About the importance of being remembered.  Of existing in the heart and mind of another.

It would be naive to think my clients do not think about me sometimes, but they are often surprised to know that I keep them in mind too.  The sense of being forgotten, of not being of importance to anyone speaks of historical injury in significant relationships.  There is a fundamental need in all of us, to feel that we matter to others,  that we continue to exist for them, even when we or they are not present.    Especially when that someone matters to us.

Such a lack can leave us feeling adrift without an anchor, depressed, wretched even raging inside.  At it’s most destructive we can feel suicidal.

So in therapy we discover that we matter.  This can take time but as we discover this we deepen our own capacity to offer   this to others.   So how do we show that someone matters to us.  Well we listen to what is important to them, we remember something they said or we enquire about their day, an event, their health.  Of course outside the therapy room this might be expressed by a letter sent or a call made, or these days a text.  It will be there in a hug or a sigh of empathy or in the way we tune in to what our loved ones’ need.

Babies and children, when loved, will learn that their parents hold them in their thoughts and hearts even when they are absent.  They will thrive and feel worthy and deserving.

On going well being depends upon our sense of being held in mind and in heart, always.

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